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It only lasts when I'm looking right at her, or right after, when I'm still thinking about her. I feel this strong attraction." You just love her. Why don't you admit it?" I'm not sure that explains it, Kate. I'm not saying that I don't love her. It's just that seeing her triggers my feelings to a whole different level. Turns it up, like the volume on the television. It's like I love her a little bit all the time, but when I see her, it gets a lot stronger. It scares me sometimes, because I can't even explain it to myself." If you still love her, why don't you want me to tell her?" Because her mom and her therapist think she's better off without me. I think that too. When we are together, I do what I want to do with her. She lets me too, and then I guess we both wind up feeling bad about it. When you love someone, being together should be good for both of you. That isn't how it is with Clara and me. Maybe all I deserve to get are girls like Trudie and Miriam. We don't ever hurt each. When I broke things off with him, he hadn't seen it coming and screamed at me, accusing me of wanting to go to college out of state so that I could experiment with other guys. My sex life with Alex wasn't bad, but it was nothing amazing either. For the two years we had been together, I had never had an orgasm, I had always faked it with him because I was scared of hurting his feelings. It wasn't that the sex was bad, it was just that I felt our relationship always lacked something, something that would really put me over the edge.One thing about college that I can vouch is true, is that the walls are thin. I had been unpacking a few of my things when I started to hear girls in the room next to mine, chatting about what to wear to the Kegger tonight. I had put it off, deciding not to go but hearing them get all excited about going, I started to change my mind. I was in College now, free to do what I wanted, and it was the first night of school after all. I decided to knock on their.
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